BUD

DAN

Main Dish

Big Nick’s Wrap

I had nearly resigned myself to yet another Buffalo chicken wrap (woe is me) when Dan pointed me toward the Big Nick wrap and urged me to get it in honor of one of our dinner guests (hi Dad). The menu provided no backstory whatsoever about how it earned this cryptic name, but I have a hunch there was a former employee or patron named Nick who had the refined palate of a fussy seven-year-old, because this is a wrap filled with chicken tenders and macaroni and cheese. Drizzle the tenders with barbecue sauce and toss in some bacon, and it’s an instant classic.

It’s hard not to love a dish like this, in the same way it’s hard not to love a basket full of kittens wish $100 bills tied to their collars. I mean, you just combined a couple things everyone loves. Great work, very creative. I suppose, if I have to make a critique, it’s that this everything-and-the-kitchen-sink approach doesn’t work as great in combination as it does piece-by-piece. Yeah, I love mac and cheese, I love bacon, I love BBQ chicken tenders, but the combination is not quite in sync. The sauce, in particular, stood out to me—I don’t think barbecue sauce was right for this wrap, the sweetness didn’t work for me, and I would’ve gone another direction. (Buffalo sauce, maybe?)

Regardless, extra credit for a novel dish that was actually very good—just not great.

Main Dish

Milano Wrap

You ever get your hair cut and it’s just fine but not want you want? Then you go to another, and another, and another? They’re all different takes on the same kind of style but still not quite perfect. Then you go to the one. And it’s perfect. That was my panini experience.

I’ve ordered the same ol’ chicken, pepper, mozzarella panini with balsamic on the side like, I don’t know, a hundred times. But this time. This panini was so much better than any of the others I’ve gotten, that it might as well have been a totally different dish.

The pepper serving was enormous. The mozzarella was so fresh and melty. The CHICKEN. My god, it was the juiciest chicken I’ve ever had. The thin bread and balsamic brought it all together into the masterpiece it was, and it was with great difficulty that I decided not to finish the whole thing (gotta save room for dessert!). I honestly don’t know if, or, HOW I can order this dish again now that I will be constantly comparing it to this panini of otherworldly perfection (POOP for short).

Fries

My wrap came with waffle fries at no extra charge, while Dan’s panini came with classic fries, and it would’ve cost her an upcharge to switch to waffle. We asked the waiter, can you just serve mine with classic fries and hers with waffle? The table is still getting one serving of each, but it’ll spare us the mess and hassle of making the trade ourselves. Well, the waiter as well as all our dining guests found this proposal both perplexing and absurd. Instead, the waiter brought out a pair of empty plates to facilitate us swapping fries by ourselves. I’m still a little bitter about it.

I’m glad I could throw in that extra paragraph to pad out this section, because I have little more to say. The classic fries were, indeed, quite classic. Needed some salt. That’s about it.

Fries

I’m glad Bud covered the controversy that was Frygate 2019 because it was really one of the more absurd moments in my dining experiences.

What’s funny is that after all the hubbub, when I finally got my waffle fries, they were just ok. This was my first return to waffle fries in months, and I was expecting a beautiful reunion with my deep-fried potato treats. What I got was kinda bland and too-soggy (even for me) waffle fries with gross honey mustard.

Dessert

Brownie Cheesecake

The difference between last week’s dessert selection and this week’s is so dramatic that it gave me the bends. The dessert case at West Essex Diner stands before you as you enter like a glimmering shrine. Really beautiful to behold. We had a minute before we were seated, and me and Dan took the chance to make our decision then: brownie cheesecake, narrowly beating out Nutella cheesecake (Dan thought it looked like a no-bake variety), rice pudding cheesecake (I was stoked but Dan couldn’t be less interested), and apple crisp (we’re big fans but it was a cheesecake kind of night).

Well, it’s hard to say we made the wrong choice. Mind you, there was nothing mind-blowing about this recipe: it was a very straightforward brownie layer, cheesecake layer, and coat of fudgy icing, with the edges dipped in something crumbly. But it was just wonderfully executed and beautifully presented. I want to think that I’m too sophisticated to be swayed by a technique as superficial as just drizzling some sauce on the plate, but I’ll tell ya, the extra little effort in presentation really makes a difference versus just a bare plate with a hunk of cake in the middle.

Dessert

Brownie Cheesecake

I’d like to add to Bud’s description of the tantalizing dessert selection by pointing out another VERY sexy option: a giant, VERY moist looking brownie. You just know that you’d be speaking to God about that hot brownie sundae. You just know it’d be that good.

I have no regrets about choosing the brownie cheesecake, but it was certainly a tough call. Not since Nevada Diner have I seen such an impressive dessert display that caused me physical pain to choose from. That being said, this cheesecake was SLAMMIN. Bud’s description undersells the cake—it had a beautiful chocolate layer of an almost ganache consistency on top, a thin mousse layer beneath that, the cheesecake made its grand appearance under that, and, finally, the brownie. It’s the perfect combination in the perfect configuration. It was excellent. I hesitate to say it was the best cheesecake of its kind (hats off to State Line Diner’s brownie cheesecake), but I was very happy with it overall. Coulda used more whipped cream, but can’t they all?

Service

Our guy was really good. I didn’t get his name, but he had all the timing right, knew when to hover and when to buzz off, and threw in a little joke here and there. Obviously, everyone knows that Dan and I are the masters-of-ceremonies when it comes to bringing the laughs, but once in a while we tolerate some waiter humor. This time, someone at our table asked if they had plain cheesecake, so the waiter looked over at the dessert case and was like, umm, yeah we have that. It was pretty funny. Maybe you had to be there.

Service

This man had the most unique accent and I couldn’t place it and it was bothering me all night trying to figure it out.

Considering how busy the restaurant was, I never felt like we had to wait too long between seeing our waiter. He was quick on the refills, the requests for side sauces, and dessert orders. Aside from that, he was a cute, jovial young man who was patient with my always-complicated entrée order and just as patient with my always-complicated mother.

Value

I would call the prices on the higher end of average—$10.50 for my wrap, $6.00 for the specialty cheesecake—which is not a great deal in absolute terms but which felt perfectly appropriate for the high-quality product.

Value

This diner was probably about…mmm…maybe 30% more expensive than the average diner. BUT, it’s also about 80% nicer than the average diner. The food is excellent quality. The service was excellent. Economics 101: people will pay premium prices for a premium product. Like Bud said, the cheesecake was pricier than the usual cheesecake, and my panini was $11.00, which is maybe on the ball, if maybe a dollar more expensive than competitors. Considering how good the cheesecake was and my absolutely tear-inducingly delicious panini, I’d gladly pay the premium again.

Ambience

We’ve driven this way a few times, and I once made a note that we had to add the Versailles Diner to our list. Well, apparently the Versailles Diner dropped off the face of the earth, until I realized that at some recent point it was reopened as West Essex. Inside and out, it is very obviously newly renovated, and they did terrific work. It feels modern without losing the diner warmth and comfort. Our booth was unusually spacious. I liked the light fixtures.

Ambience

Buddy speaks the truth, he DID like the light fixtures. He made it a point to interrupt a conversation I was having with his mom to say “Dan, I like those lights. They’re different.”

Here’s what I liked most about this diner: this was probably the most crowded diner I’ve been to since our last tragic visit to Tops, but it felt totally different, in a good way. If any of you readers are ever lucky enough to get a chance to talk to Buddy in person, he will talk to you about his cats. After that, though, he’ll tell you about how Tops is a great diner, but the wait time and crowd makes it not worth going there. It’s weird, though, West Essex diner was full of people when we came in, and I understandably was told we’d have to wait a moment to be seated. No sooner did I walk over to the dessert case to violate the cakes with my eyes before our names were called to be seated! At Tops, they’ll tell you “it’s going to be about a 20-minute wait,” and your table name will be called the instant you bite into your burger that you got at another diner, two towns over. I don’t know what it was exactly, but I was impressed at how crowded the diner was, while still efficiently (and not in a pushy way!) turning over tables for the next waiting guests.

Finally, the overall décor was just so fresh and welcoming. The diner had a very modern feel to it. It reminded me a lot of Candlewyck Diner on the inside. The lights were bright, the employees seemed happy, everything looked clean. I know that this place is pretty newly converted from the Versailles Diner, so maybe that’s why everything seemed so fresh and sleek, but I have faith that if (when) we visit again a year from now, it will still reflect the top-notch standards it did today.

OVERALL

West Essex immediately takes a spot near the top of our list. There was a mighty crowd on this Friday night (but nearly no wait time! Take that, Tops Diner), and maybe some of that is owing to the relative newness of the place, but I have to believe that much of it is in recognition of a really fine diner that’s making the most of its grand re-opening. I saw maybe half dozen things on this menu that I still want to taste (plus multiple desserts), and I can see a second visit soon.

OVERALL

Loved this diner. It jumped its way up to my top five, for sure. My mom is literally STILL telling me about how “tasty that fish was, my goodness.” My mother is the only person I’ve seen order fish from a diner, but to each his own, I suppose.

Anyway: amazing diner. Amazing food. Skip Houlihan’s this weekend, readers, and go to West Essex Diner!