BUD

DAN

Main Dish

Buffalo Chicken Wrap

Blah blah blah Bud always gets a Buffalo chicken wrap blah blah blah how about something novel and original blah blah blah blah. Shut up, voices in my head.

Funny thing about this wrap. I actually visited the Galaxy Diner the day before we met for this review (it was work-related…long story), and I ordered a Buffalo chicken wrap then as well, but that time it was from the daily specials menu and it was a “hybrid” Buffalo chicken wrap? There was no explanation to be found in the menu, but I could discern that these were the differences: the hybrid wrap added celery and carrots and omitted blue cheese.

But we’re not here to talk about hybrid wraps. We’re here to talk about regular wraps. This one wasn’t really very good. Not great sauce, not great chicken, and hot lettuce is rarely a winner. The tortilla was pressed nicely so that it had a nice crispy exterior, which was the only compliment I can pay. The blue cheese was served on the side and was maybe the worst I can remember. It had a sludgy, gel-like consistency, and a kind of translucency that was not very appetizing.

I’d like to add that, for whatever reason, my wrap was accompanied by a cup of soup. I opted for the Manhattan clam chowder and thought it was quite delicious. I’d also like to add that a complimentary pickle is never a bad idea, but goodness this pickle was poor. I emphatically do not like cucumbers (tell that to our garden, which has decided to grow cucumbers and nothing else), and this thing tasted pretty much like a raw cucumber that had been dipped in a vinegar bath for a quick ten-count and then thoroughly scrubbed clean. It was virtually un-pickled. No good.

Main Dish

Portabella Roast Beef Panini

The menu was a bit lacking in variety here at Galaxy Diner, so instead of a fun burger or some crazy waffle concoction, I went with a tasty-sounding Portabella Roast Beef Panini. It was that day’s special, and the menu stated that it was served au jus.

Have you ever heard of Ötzi (also known as the Iceman)? This boy, Ötzi, is an incredibly well-preserved body of a man who lived thousands of years ago, discovered in the mountains of Italy. He looks the way my sandwich tasted.

This sandwich was so dry that it tasted like the panini was: pretty decent bread, some alright cheese, and an entire portabella mushroom on top of a thick slab of leather. Oh, but at least it came with some dipping jus. That would have been nice if the jus didn’t taste like meat-water. Just imagine dipping in your sandwich—meat so dry that the ends are cracking because of the crustiness—into some beef-flavored water. I’ll be damned if I didn’t finish all five inches of this sandwich, though. Did I mention it was also small? I’m sorry, readers. I was hungry. Sometimes love and hunger makes people do crazy things. Like get married to Buddy…or choke down some crusty-ass sandwich.

Fries

As with my wrap, I got a sneak preview of the fries a day in advance, so I can make a more confident assessment now that I have two data points: under-salted, kinda bland.

Fries

The Great Depression is in full force in Butler, New Jersey. You can tell this because at Galaxy Diner each plate comes exactly with eight fries, and none of them have salt.

I now know how greatly my Italian ancestors suffered during the great fritte* famine of the mid 1800s. Fries doled out sparingly to the kids. Families waiting in line for nothing but a handful of bland potato and a whisper of salt. The only solace I have for my ill-fated predecessors is that their fries were probably tastier.

(*I know fritte in Italian just means “fried” but that’s what we call them in the hillbilly town my family comes from.)

Dessert

Brownie Sundae

Dan has abandoned all shame when it comes to demanding extra whipped cream on our brownie sundaes, and it’s become a real problem. I used to think we were similar in our fondness for whipped cream but I’ve realized I’m out of my depth. I’m considering cancelling the wedding.

This one, you can tell from the picture, looked like just a plate of whipped cream. The brownie under there was not half bad—at the very least, it was definitively a brownie, rather than the chocolate cake that some of these diners try to pass off as brownies. (I have a class action lawsuit in the works, email me for details.) They didn’t skimp on the ice cream, either, which gives the dish some substance; I find that if it’s just the strong fudgy flavor from the brownie and the light, fluffy whipped cream, it tastes unbalanced. This time, I was able to get a spoonful balanced between ice cream, whipped cream, and brownie all the way to the end. The only thing preventing a better score here is that the brownie itself was simply adequate, not excellent.

Dessert

Brownie Sundae

Here’s the thing about whipped cream: you can never have enough. It’s the perfect topping, and, arguably, the one thing on a dessert that can absolutely NOT be messed up. Buddy seems to not understand this, and this is why we are getting a divorce.

I mention that you can’t mess up whipped cream specifically because it seemed like the whipped cream was the ONLY thing that came out as expected when our dessert arrived. Hot fudge brownie sundae. Just typing that out put a picture into your head, didn’t it? Me too. Now take that picture and replace it with this: an ice cream to brownie ratio of about 5:1, a brownie that is not hot, nor is it fudgy, and is also probably the smallest brownie I have ever seen in my life. So I’m sitting here, depressed, naturally, looking at my pathetic brownie. Concerned about what I’m going to do with all this ice cream. But, like a trooper, I forced myself through it, thanking the heavens for the respite my sweet, sweet whipped topping was providing me from this disaster.

Service

So, our waitress was a pleasant young woman. The issue is that at least two condiments that were purportedly included with our dishes—my blue cheese, Dan’s au jus—were absent when she first served us. Dan politely requested the au jus and the waitress politely delivered it from the kitchen. Only then did I realize that my blue cheese was missing, so I reluctantly asked her to run back again. Throughout this episode, she was totally a good sport, and I felt a little guilty to make her go back and forth, but it was a little frustrating that these things were missing from the start. Very possible that it was the kitchen’s fault, not hers.

Service

I don’t have much to add to what Bud already said. Our waitress was a lovely young lady. There were certain condiments and sides that were missing, but she brought them as soon as we reminded her.

The missing condiments, as well as what seemed like a pretty extraordinary wait time (especially considering the restaurant was half full) like Bud said, could just as well have been the kitchen’s fault. No shade on the waitress but I will put the blame on the restaurant management for not running a tighter ship.

Value

For my wrap, fries, and soup, we paid $10.49, and for the dessert $8.48. The former is a fair price (a good price even, with that nice lil’ soup thrown in), the latter not so much. I’ve noticed that many diners price a brownie sundae according to the price of a brownie plus the price of ice cream, as if you had ordered them a la carte and then combined them yourself at the table—so suddenly it’s like nine bucks. That doesn’t seem right.

Value

My dehydrated sandwich with the cup of meat water on the side cost me a handsome $11.00. I’m expecting the price was due to the decent cheese and nice bread because I’ve never had a smaller or blander panini for this much money. Don’t get me wrong, $11.00 is not a lot when it comes to good food. But when I’m paying $11.00…I want good food.

Also almost $9.00 for a brownie sundae?! I could buy a box of brownie mix and a tub of ice cream, mix the two together and still have a better tasting and less expensive dessert.

Ambience

Galaxy Diner is located in a region that’s oddly dense with diners. Go ahead, look at a map. I’m doing it right now. I see Park Wayne, Preakness, Wayne Hills, Pompton Queen, and Galaxy all virtually in a row. (For the record, we first attempted Pompton Queen but didn’t feel like the 20-minute wait. I’ve heard it’s well worth it, though, so expect a review in the eventual future.) With that many options, you would hope to see something distinctive. This place was comfortable, clean, but plain. It’s a diner. I mean, it’s a diner. I don’t know what more there is to it.

Ambience

BOOOOORING. This place was a real snooze-fest. There was not one distinctive feature that made this diner stand out from any other eating establishment. The walls were plain. There was no fun music. Everything from the tables and chairs to the sparse decor was based off a color wheel that started at taupe and ended at beige.

Galaxy Diner was clean. So…there’s that I guess.

OVERALL

Maybe I’m just not in a generous mood, because most of our lower-scoring visits have really earned it. We’ve visited places with awful service, awful food, and awful prices. Galaxy has none of those problems. But there are so many fine options, and Galaxy did not impress in any single category. It’s completely adequate, and I would not advise that you should pass it up if you’re driving down Route 23 in Butler and have to eat now, but if you can hold out for five to seven minutes then you probably should.

OVERALL

When we decided to go to the diner on this fine day, the plan was originally to go to Pompton Queen. Just take a look at their menu. I was so stoked. But like Bud said, there was a wait and everyone was too hungry. That being said, take my review with a grain of salt (or several, because the food here was flavorless).

I…did not like Galaxy Diner. The food wasn’t good. The prices did not compensate for the lack of quality. The wait was long. And, to be frank, the place was kinda ugly.

There’s so many diners within a ten mile stretch of this highway that I can promise I will not be going back here. Ever.