BUD

DAN

Main Dish

Buffalo Chicken Sandwich

I walked into Six Brothers in the mood for something savory (sorry, breakfast, you lose out again) but with no specific craving. So, I did my duty as one-half of your faithful diner blogging duo and searched the menu for some kind of specialty or signature dish, to give all possible advantages to the house. They apparently have “award winning soups,” but we all know that soup is an appropriate order only when you’re hungry but really don’t want to feel satisfied whatsoever. There’s also a weak claim about “signature” half-pound burgers, but they looked pretty mundane to me. Finally, there’s three-quarters of a page filled with “signature salads,” but let’s be honest here.

Left to my own devices, I went with the buffalo chicken sandwich. I understand that not every place will craft the perfect Platonic ideal of a buffalo chicken sandwich, but at the very least I expect them to not screw it up. I make them at home all the time and it’s fine. You’re a diner staffed by professional cooks, I’m a borderline imbecile who routinely nicks himself with his Ikea kitchen knife.

The initial presentation was heartening because my eye was immediately drawn to the Day-Glo orange, thick-looking sauce, reminiscent of the finest buffalo chicken sandwich I’ve yet tasted. (That’s State Line Diner, if you’ve forgotten.) But the similarities stopped there. The sauce was far too vinegary, which I consider the cardinal sin of any hot sauce. The chicken itself was competent but unremarkable; the food came out wonderfully fast, which is always a plus, but the chicken tasted like it was premade and then just quickly and lazily heated to order. (I’m sure many or all short-order places do that, but this one tasted like it.) The second-worst part was the lettuce, which was torn up as if prepared for a salad. Utter madness. It just won’t stay on the sandwich like that. It’s supposed to be one or two large, crunchy iceberg leaves, and I’ve never seen it done otherwise. The first-worst part wasn’t even on the sandwich at all: they omit blue cheese entirely. Thankfully, I asked about it when I ordered and arranged for it on the side. Otherwise, what a pathetic dish indeed.

Main Dish

Tuna Melt

This was one of the two worst tuna melts I have ever had in my life. The first bite I was like, hmm, different, but I’ve had worse. The second—“no more of this torture” bite, I was like this is a mockery of one of my favorite diner dishes and I will not stand for this.

You guys may have read before of my love for tuna melts. Bud and I go to a diner once a week and I eat them quite infrequently and get them as a bit of a treat. I was really craving one here at Six Brothers and couldn’t wait to get sick from overeating. Well, I did get sick, but not from overeating. The cheese was fine, the grilled tomato was fine, the rye bread was fine. The tuna was atrocious. Tuna salad is like, what, 50 percent mayo? How was it still so dry? What was that strange spice mixed in that I tasted? Six Brothers, you insulted me with this delicious cheese and fish sandwich and for that you will never be forgiven.

I’m only giving it two burgers because it’s still better than the melt I had when Bud and I went to Maplewood Diner. We’ll revisit that diner the next time we’re in the mood for a few relaxing days of food poisoning.

Fries

Your standard diner fries, too fat, undersalted. They get a slight bump in the score because we found a larger than usual concentration of crunchies, which I shamelessly pilfered from Dan’s plate.

Fries

I always talk about how much I like soggy fries but these were too much. It was like a deep-fried mashed potato. I don’t know why I didn’t ask for waffle fries, but I made the second of three poor dining choices by not doing so.

The honey mustard comes in pre-packaged cups, like when you get maple syrup at a diner. I don’t see that very often, but it was pretty good, actually.

Dessert

Strawberry Cheesecake

Maybe we’ve been spoiled by the richness of the average diner dessert display, and last week especially was a delight. Six Brothers had far fewer options. Dan went in with the very reasonable desire for something chocolate—but the options were quite thin. We saw a German chocolate cake, if I remember right, and that was about it. I was in the mood for cheesecake, and there was nothing that would hit the spot for both of us, so Dan generously conceded and we went for the strawberry cheesecake.

Not great. I expect her review will be absolutely scathing, and while I’ll be more lenient, I didn’t like it much either. I suspect it was made with ricotta rather than cream cheese, which I recognize is a common technique, but that doesn’t mean it’s the morally correct thing to do. It didn’t have the right sweetness or the right smooth creaminess. There was a single strawberry, which I don’t mind so much but Dan absolutely will not tolerate.

Dessert

Strawberry Cheesecake

Right after dinner I said, “Bud, I’m craving chocolate. I don’t want the typical strawberry cheesecake again today.”

*cut to us looking at the dessert options*

*cut to us eating strawberry cheesecake*

This cake had the sweetness of ricotta cheese and the firmness of Swiss cheese. To top it off, it had ONE strawberry! Could you spare it, guys? I ate three bites and tapped out.

Service

Our waitress’s name was Linda and she was a wonderfully pleasant lady. She seemed a little hurried, but not in a “come on, tell me what you want, you’re wasting my time” kind of way. More like a “I’m taking care of a few tables and if you’re not ready yet, I’ll swing back in a couple minutes” kind of way. I’m down with that. She did seem oddly confused when I asked what the complimentary appetizer was. Pardon me that I don’t recognize a bean salad on sight. But that’s ok.

Service

The service here was the only redeeming quality of this horror movie of a diner experience. Linda was a sweetheart and very accommodating. The food came out incredibly fast (despite the fact that it was almost certainly prepared with the chef’s feet). Bud is right, though, in that Linda did seem a bit rushed. I think she was one of the two waitstaff working at the time.

Value

On prices alone, Six Brothers may deserve a better rating. It’s hard to beat $9.95 for a chicken sandwich and a generous plate of fries (and some onion rings for good measure! They were mediocre but I appreciate the gesture.). The cheesecake was $5.25, a perfectly fair price.

The reason I give this only a middling score is because they offer just one free refill on soft drinks. You know how I feel about that. Refilling my glass will cost you, what, 10¢ in tap water and syrup? Not the right place to cheap out. I didn’t even want a second refill, but it’s a warm comfort knowing the option is there.

Value

I’ve been getting tuna melts from all sorts of different diners, and I’d say the average price is about $11. This melt was priced at a smooth $9.95, which would really impress me if it didn’t taste like it came out of the chef’s butthole.

Ambience

This is one area where I can give my whole-hearted approval. The exterior of Six Brothers is nothing to gawk at—it’s right off the highway and there’s been construction on the premises since time immemorial—but I think the inside is very comfortable. The old-school arcade cabinets right inside the door are a real throwback. The dining room is dim in that diner sort of way, with flashes of neon and warm-color lamps. There’s even a couple of, for lack of a better description, “turrets,” little square glass rooms with a table within. (You can see one in the picture, behind the ramp with the railing.) It’s private with a nice view. We weren’t lucky enough to be seated there, but it’s interesting nonetheless.

Ambience

I disagree, Bud, the exterior is my favorite part of the diner! I love that big ol’ clock! This diner is actually strikingly large, and really cool looking on the outside (despite what Bud says). There was once a time a young, naive Danielle would look longingly at this establishment as she was being driven past…wishing to just once go in for a nice burger…wishing to try their milkshake…wishing that her parents would love her.

Oh young, foolish Danielle. If only you knew how lucky you were to not have eaten here. If only you knew your mom would never love you and your dad was going to die on you.

Anyway, the outside is actually very cool, and the inside is kinda neat, too. A little dimly-lit, and the seats were really low?? But other than that, it was perfectly fine…inoffensive, but forgettable. The outside is really deceivingly cool when you consider how average the inside is and how below average the food is.

OVERALL

It’s a shame that Six Brothers is located so conveniently for us yet really doesn’t offer a compelling reason for us to declare it our diner. We’ve been here before and found it, at best, adequate. I do enjoy the ambience and the service, but when the food’s just adequate, it’s tough to compete with the glut of other fine options in the area.

OVERALL

This is the second time Bud and I have visited this diner, and the first time since we’ve started blogging. Guys…it’s a bad diner. The dessert options are limited, and what they do have is gross. The food is consistently bad and to be honest, kind of ugly. It’s amazing that it is so below average, considering it’s right off Route 46 and directly behind Montclair State University. You’d think they’d do whatever they can to stand out from the many competitors within a ten-mile radius…be a better diner so people will come here instead of, perhaps, Park West. Capitalize on that prime location. But no. It’s gross. I’d be happy with the decision to not visit this establishment again, if you’re ok with it, Bud.